A Oneway Ticket to America
by Hikari Shadokijo
Summary: Tasuki, in his desperation to stay in America, goes to Chichiri for help. By asking him for his hand in marriage! How's that for an instant greencard? What's gonna happen once they start LIVING together? Romantic Comedy! TAS*CHI *SHOUNEN AI*
1. Episode 1

A Oneway Ticket to America  
~*~  
  
author's notes: Heh... I love the Drew Carey show, seriously I do... and this story was inspired by the "Marriage to Mr. Wick" arch. LOL Yeah, I know... pathetic huh? Well, we gotta start somewhere!  
  
"..." - English speech  
/.../ - Japanese speech  
~...~ - thoughts  
  
~*~  
  
Chichiri reclined in his chair, staring up at the ceiling of his home. He kept on replaying the scene in his head, over and over. How Kouran approached him, Hikou's arm clasped around her shoulder. His fiancee of three years, came to him, said those words, "Chichiri... it's over. I'm sorry... but... I love Hikou."  
  
Kouran, his fiancee, with Hikou, his best friend... it was enough to make him suicidal. In fact for the week after that, Chichiri avoided work and sat in the quiet of his house drinking. What made the fact worse, was that he had never been a heavy alcohol drinker in the first place.  
  
The bottle dropped from his hands, and rolled around on the floor. Finally he groaned, "What do you want?"  
  
The tapping at his door stopped short, and the voice replied, "Come on Chichiri, we haven't seen you in weeks!"  
  
The 26 year old, sat up and unlocked the door. His best friend pushed his head through the opening, forcing it open further. "Wow, you may have been depressed for a week, but your house is still spotless!" he exclaimed in his almost alto voice.  
  
Chichiri cracked a small smile at that. He should have known, if there was one person that could cheer him up it was Nuriko. He was the most beautiful man he knew. He had the most feminine features, and the curve of his hips was enough to make any guy think he was a girl. But Nuriko was also a casual joker, and a player of all sexes.   
  
"There now," Nuriko teased, "that's a pretty smile we all like to see!"  
  
At that moment, two others walked in. One was another of Chichiri's good friends, Tamahome. He was the best martial artist on the east coast, at least that's what he liked to say. He had a thing for money, and making money, and keeping money, and no woman would stand between him and his money, except perhaps Miaka, but that's another story. The second was a foreigner, from Japan like the rest of them. He, like the others, had Chinese blood as well. According to Chichiri's recollection, his name was Tasuki, and his age was 24.  
  
"Yo," Tamahome greeted and sat down on the couch.   
  
"Wow, this place it so neat," Tasuki noted in his thick kansai accented voice. Chichiri's ears were tuned into his speech, and he was pretty impressed that the younger man could speak English so well, even though he had only been in American for a year. His accent was even slightly better than his own, which ended up becoming a strange pattern of speech.  
  
Chichiri quickly brushed up his hospitiality, and he gathered up the bottle from the floor. "Sit, sit, sit no da!" he exclaimed, not stopping himself before he added the "no da" at the end of his sentence.  
  
"I had to check up on you," Nuriko explained, "I can't have one of my best friends sitting locked in his house for weeks."  
  
"Quite understandable n-- Nuriko."  
  
"Kouran and Hikou still want to invite you to their wedding," Tamahome said after an uncomfortable moment of silence.  
  
Chichiri, who was setting out snack food stopped short and he sat back in his chair. His powder blue bangs falling infront of his eyes as if it fell with his heart. "Married? This soon?"  
  
His two friends nodded, while Tasuki shoveled the chips in his mouth. "Ya know," the red head said after a while, "ya gotta just give up on 'em."  
  
Nuriko punched the boy in the side and cried, "Why did I bring you!?"  
  
"Nah, it's alright Nuriko. I figured, I'd been putting off my marriage to Kouran so long that she'd eventually get sick of my procrastination."  
  
/See? That's a positive way to look at things! Ya've been such a bad fiance, that it's was practically expected that she'd dump ya./ Tasuki had somehow switched to talking in Japanese, and was now recling casually next to Tamahome.  
  
/Ahou!/ Nuriko and Tamahome said in unison, again beating up on the younger boy.  
  
Chichiri stiffled a laugh. /Arigatou minna,/ he said finally, /You guys really cheered me up./  
  
/I'm good at it,/ Tasuki said with a grin.  
  
~*~  
  
Nuriko perched himself on the corner of Chichiri's large desk, crossing his legs. /Wai... poor Tasuki-chan,/ he moaned in Japanese.  
  
"What about no da?" Chichiri asked, not looking up from his mounds of paperwork. The week off he took, resulted in alot of backwork, and he was working to complete it.  
  
/He might get deported! His green card's expired and he doesn't have a job! I told him not to come to Boston!/ Nuriko pressed his hands to his face sadly. /I warned him that the goverment here is much more strict. There's no possible way for him to stay!/  
  
"He could get married..."  
  
Nuriko jumped off the desk, his bands perched on his hips. /Nani!? Are you kidding me? Marry? Like he has enough time?/  
  
/It's his own fault,/ Chichiri said, switching to his home language. He was already riddled with paperwork, and his friend's chatter about someone he couldn't care less about was already getting to him.  
  
/Woooo... Chichiri-chan, that's mean!/  
  
"I hardly know the fool, why should I care no da?" Chichiri switched back to english, and he was now tapping at his computer. The way his fingers pounded at the keys, it was an obvious signal that he was through talking, and was now in "buisness mode."  
  
~*~  
  
Chichiri reclined in his chair, looking over the evaluation forms. His job as a department store owner payed well, but forced a lot of work on his chest. He wanted desperately to take a break, but something in his brain told him, "You already took a week off, get to work lazy butt!"  
  
Suddenly someone was knocking on his door, slowly. He pushed away from his desk, glad for the interupption. "Come in, the door's open no da," Chichiri announced.  
  
"Open? That's kinda dangerous, don't cha think?" The familar accent entered the room, and Chichiri turned to find Tasuki walking inside, closing the door behind him.  
  
"Tasuki?" Chichiri asked, shock lacing his voice.  
  
"You don't mind me bein' here, do ya?"  
  
"No, of course not. But, what do you want?" Chichiri decided to get to the point as soon as possible. He wasn't in the mood to deal with someone he barely knew, eventhough he DID give him the break he so desperately wanted.  
  
/Uhm.../ The younger man wrung his hands together nervously.  
  
Chichiri stood up and faced him, his expression kind and forgiving. /Come, tell me./  
  
/Ah... Chichiri-san... will you marry me?/  
  
***  
  
author's note: HAHAHAHAHAAA!!! Chichiri's horribly cold in this, and I couldn't help it! Very short, very short indeed, but just an idea! Yeah, I know I should be writing my other stories, but this has been bugging me for a while. Tell me what you think please! ^.^ 


	2. Episode 2

A Oneway Ticket to America  
~*~  
  
author's notes: Chapter two... Chichiri's reaction!! Waiii... O.o;; why oh why...   
  
"..." - English speech  
/.../ - Japanese speech  
~...~ - thoughts  
  
~*~  
  
/Ah... Chichiri-san... will you marry me?/  
  
If Chichiri was on a rollercoaster ride, and Tasuki was one of the many hills... he would have jumped off if he knew the fall was going to take him to hell... at least that's what he was thinking. His mind was reeling, trying to think of reasons why a guy he hardly knows would approach him with THAT kind of question.  
  
He must of looked pretty stupid, his jaw dropped from shock. Tasuki raised an eyebrow and he started laughing.  
  
/Ooi, Chichiri-san... not really... I mean legally... I mean.../  
  
/Hey now,/ the older man interuppted, /out with it!/  
  
Tasuki closed his eyes tightly and grumbled in accented english, "I need to marry someone to stay in America..."  
  
Chichiri placed a delicate finger against his chin and stated rather stiffly and coldly: "Hmm... has it ocurred to you to maybe... ask a woman?"  
  
The orange haired man pressed a hand against his forehead. "I knew this was going to happen," he was saying, "but... I HATE women!!"  
  
This got an interesting response from Chichiri, who stepped backwards in shock. Tasuki noticed this and he cried, "Whoa! I don't bend THAT way either!! Geez, just let me talk to you!"  
  
A thin brown eyebrow curved upwards, willing to listen to what he had to say. The younger man pressed his back against the wall, and looked at his feet. "Ya know, the whole reason why I'm here is to escape my mother and my sisters... they're fuckin' abusive if anything. Beat me they did, and I can do without it. I can't go back! If I go back... then... I'll never get the chance to leave! God, if you lived through the same shit I did, then you'd understand why I hate women... I figure that women are too much trouble. Why fall in love when I'm gonna experience the same shit all over again? That's why I'm not askin' a woman cuz she might take it seriously and actually STAY married to me..." Tasuki looked up at Chichiri, his eyes not teary like he expected, but hard and determined.  
  
"That's why," he quickly added, "I'm askin' you to stage a gay marriage..."  
  
"Well.. why not Nuriko? He's about as gay as they come," Chichiri suggested, trying very hard to be kind.  
  
Tasuki rolled his eyes and he exclaimed, "I thought Nuri was your best friend! You'd think you'd know about that time he tried to become a con artist! He created a whole new life and everything! A fuckin' girl he became! The goverment is STILL checking to make sure he doesn't try that trick again! If I marry him, they'll get suspicious!"  
  
Chichiri nodded, suddenly realizing that Tasuki was right about Nuriko. His mind started searching for another person and before he knew it he was saying: "Well... Tamahome?"  
  
Again the rolled eyes and the argument: "Tamahome? Sure, gay guys flaunt themselves around him, but he's either obessed with money, or obessed with Miaka... and dammit, ain't that unhealthy? Ain't the girl still in college?"  
  
"College, yes."  
  
"If I married him, that girl would eat my brains."  
  
Chichiri stiffled a laugh, and suddenly he heard Tasuki say, "Well, a smile! What do you know, we don't see that often, do we?"  
  
"Ah... Well... Hotohori!" Chichiri suggested, changing the subject from his smile back to finding Tasuki a husband.  
  
The younger man just glared at him, and no words passed between them. It was enough, if Hotohori were to get married, Nuriko would make sure it's pure love or else their body would be seen somewhere in Venezuela. It didn't help that he was sure his obession with the beautiful man was pure love. "Alright fine," Chichiri said giving up on Hotohori. "Alright then, Mitsukake!"  
  
"Who?"  
  
"Mitsukake!"  
  
"Who?"  
  
"The doctor!"  
  
"I know a doctor?"  
  
Chichiri smacked himself in the forehead. "You know Nuriko and you don't know Mitsukake? He's giant, but gentle?"  
  
"Oh him! Dammit Chichiri, he's married already!"  
  
"... oh yeah..."  
  
Tasuki looked to the side and mumbled something in Japanese that sounded vaugely like: /Ahou./  
  
"Okay... Suboshi? Amiboshi?"  
  
"The twins? They love each other in ways that SHOULD NOT be explored." Tasuki looked back at him and cut him off before he could talk again. "Look Chichiri, I thought of everything! You're the best bet! Besides... all this fun might help you get over that fiancee of yours."  
  
Chichiri stared at him and echoed, "Fun?"  
  
"Yeah, it's simple! We drive to vermont, get married, get that license, come back, live together for like.. a few months, like brothers, and then we get divorced! Nothing's been easier! Right?"  
  
Tasuki had hit Chichiri's soft spot earlier when he was talking about his abusive childhood. He let out a long dragged sigh and finally he said, "Alright... I'll do it."  
  
It took a while for the older man's words to actually work their way into Tasuki's brain and compute properly. For a few minutes there was silence and then he cried, "REALLY!?" Instantly he grabbed Chichiri into his arms and hugged him tightly, nearly breaking the older man's ribs.  
  
He clawed at Tasuki's back grunted, "C-c-can't breeeathe...!"  
  
~*~  
  
Nuriko bounced around, his long purple braid taking on a life of its own. He and Tamahome were watching Chichiri load luggage into the small Toyota Camry. /Waiiii!/ he cooed in Japanese, /I can't believe Chichiri-chan is getting married first! And to a guy!! It's not fair, but it's cute! I'm so torn apart!/  
  
/Ne, Nuriko, calm down! Please don't act like this during the whole trip to Vermont,/ Tamahome said rather tiredly.  
  
Tasuki, stepped out of the house, a backpack slung over one shoulder, a pair of shades pushed up past his eyes. /Ooi! Nuri! Tama! You guys comin' too?/  
  
"I had to invite them no da. I'm not about to take a 4 hour trip with you alone na no da!" Chichiri chirped up, the only one speaking in english.  
  
"Hey.. I ain't THAT bad am I?"  
  
All the other guys looked at Tasuki an eyebrow raised, or in Nuriko's case, he had both hands on his hips, eyes screwed shut and he was sticking his tounge out going: "PFFFFT!"  
  
"Geez... thanks..."  
  
"Okay! Everyone in the car no da!"  
  
"I call shotgun!" Nuriko cried, practically falling into the front seat... through the open window.  
  
The others twitched slightly, wondering why they even considered him for a friend. Chichiri shook off that thought and stiffled a laugh. "Alright, Tama, Tasuki, you guys in the back okay no da?" he stated, and slid into the driver's seat.  
  
"WEEE!! We're going on a road trip!!" Nuriko cried, sticking his head out the window, for once not caring about his looks, as the car started down the street.  
  
~*~  
  
author's note: *sweatdrop* Uhm... heh heh? Yeah, short. I figure, this is more of a short romantic comedy if anything, so the chapters aren't going to be as detailed and in depth. ^-^ Better than nothing, ne? HAHAHAHAAA!!!  
  
REVIEW PLEASE OR CHAPTER 3 WILL NEVER SEE THE LIGHT OF DAY!!! 


	3. Episode 3

A Oneway Ticket to America  
~*~  
  
author's notes: hee hee hee, blackmail....   
  
"..." - English speech  
/.../ - Japanese speech  
~...~ - thoughts  
  
~*~  
  
Chichiri's leg bounced up and down in nervousness. Tamahome seemed rather intersted in the two lesbians getting married at that moment, while Nuriko was just happy for a "vacation" in Vermont. Tasuki looked worried and impaitent at the same time- they were the next ones to get married after all.  
  
/Aiya... Chiri-chaaan... aren't you excited?/ Nuriko asked in Japanese, patting his shoulder happily.  
  
/Why would I be excited?/  
  
/You're getting married...!/  
  
/I WAS getting married even BEFORE all this happened!/ Chichiri snapped.  
  
Nuriko blinked, and faked a choked sob, turning away and making a scene. Tasuki seemed to wake up from where ever he was. He shook his head and stared at the purple haired man. /Nani... Nuriko?/  
  
/Chichiri doesn't want to marr--/  
  
The two men jumped on the smaller one and cried, /Shhhh!/  
  
Chichiri looked at them and blushed a bright shade of red. "Aiya... I mean... na no da... Look, it's our turn, come on now Tasuki no da!" he rambled.  
  
Tamahome's eyes followed the two lesbian's out the door. "Hey... uh guys... can I--?"  
  
"Tama! Be nice!" Nuriko scolded, hitting him in the face.  
  
Tasuki and Chichiri shuffled up to the justice of the peace and stood across from each other, their heads bowed. Chichiri could have sworn he saw a small smile on the firey haired man's lips. The justice started talking, and quickly he found his mind wandering to other things...  
  
~Why... am I doing this?~  
  
~Ah! All my work!~  
  
~I shouldn't be here... I have so many things to do.~  
  
Somewhere in there he said, "I do."  
  
~Oh... Kouran... I miss you...!~  
  
~Hmm... I suppose Tasuki IS kinda...~  
  
"With this ring... I thee wed..." he half heard from the justice of the peace.  
  
Chichiri looked up, obviously confused. "Rin--"  
  
"I got them right here Chichiri," Tasuki said with a smile, holding up two silver bands. He took the older man's smaller hand into his own and slipped on the ring, surprised to find it actually fit. He blinked for a moment, before quickly shaking his head and giving Chichiri the other ring.  
  
The justice looked back and forth between them and continued, "Chichiri, if you will."  
  
He blinked and nearly dropped the ring. "Huh?"  
  
Nuriko smacked his forehead.  
  
/Chichiri... just put the ring on my finger, okay?/ Tasuki said, holding out his hand.  
  
/Uh... Hai.../ He stuttered through the words and pushed the ring onto Tasuki's right ring finger. ~I can't believe I'm going through with this! Am I insane?~ he thought as the justice continued.  
  
"By the state of Vermont, I now pronounce you life partners. You may kiss... and sign the marriage contract," he said, holding up a peice of paper.  
  
Chichiri's mind was in a state of shock. ~Kiss? kiss? Is he crazy?~  
  
"Sir," Tasuki said, trying to take the edge off his accent, "my Chichiri is quite shy when if comes to kissing in public. Is it alright if we don't?"  
  
"I'm sure it's just fine," the justice said, holding out the marriage contract and a pen. They got the picture and quickly left their signatures, Kou Tasuki and Li Chichiri. Nuriko stood up and started clapping his hands. Tasuki grapped Chichiri's hand, and gave him a quick wink. The older one blinked and was suddenly being dragged towards the exit, tripping over his own feet as he tried to maintain a normal pace.  
  
"Well Tama? What are you waiting for?" Nuriko asked, running after the newly married couple.  
  
~*~  
  
Chichiri pulled off the ring. "Well that was embarrassing no da..." he said with a heavy sigh.  
  
"I think it was sweet!"  
  
"Only you would say that,' Tamahome said, counting out his money. "Look... I have more than enough here for us to stay in a hotel for at least three days... but how are you guys going to pay me back?"  
  
"You know I can no da."  
  
"Me too!" Nuriko chirped.  
  
All eyes landed on Tasuki. "I-- uh--"  
  
"It's okay, I'll pay for him too no da," Chichiri spoke up.  
  
"Eh? Will ya?"  
  
He shrugged. "We're... what... 'married' now, aren't we?"  
  
"I guess we are..."  
  
Nuriko grabbed both men into a crushing embrace. "I'm so jealous! I want a husband too!!"  
  
/Ite... let go Nuriko!/ Tasuki groaned. Tamahome tried very hard not to laugh as their extremely strong friend squeezed all the breath out of the newly married couple. He, however, failed horribly and had doubled over in laughter moments later. Unfortunately for him, he also fell over laughing as Nuriko let go of the two.  
  
"Find us funny, Tama?" Tasuki growled, cracking his knuckles.  
  
"Uhm...." Tamahome stood up and brushed off his shirt. "Yes?"  
  
"Alright that's it!" Tasuki was just about to grab the guy by the shirt but they were apart by the Chichiri and Nuriko.  
  
"Calm down no da!"  
  
"Yeah, do your fighting somewhere private!"  
  
The two men pulled free from the other men and glared at each other. Chichiri sighed and rubbed his forehead in thought. "You know, we can just head home at this rate... what time is it Nuriko?"  
  
"8:00," the purple haired man replied, brushing back a few locks of hair.  
  
"Sounds good to me," Tamahome agreed, "I promised to call Miaka tonight anyway. She wants to drag me to Harvard Square tomorrow."  
  
Nuriko stiffled a laugh, as he wound his arm around Chichiri's. "Let me guess," he said with a grin, "she wants to go shopping, right?"  
  
Tamahome sighed.  
  
"Nuriko, will you let go?" Chichiri asked quietly, staring at his arm. Nuriko obliged and slid out of the crook of his arm.  
  
/You know, if we head home now, we should get back around 11,/ Tasuki noted, staring up at the night sky, however his gaze slid over to his new "husband" and his best friend. Chichiri tossed his keys up in the air casually. "Alright then," he said with a grin, "it's settled. We're heading home no da. I've always been more comfortable in my own bed anyway, na no da."  
  
The small Toyota Camry beeped when the blue haired man pressed the buttons on the control. "Okay, everyone in," he said with a heavy yawn.  
  
Tasuki stayed behind as Tamahome and Nuriko climbed into the car. /Chichiri-san, you okay? You seem kind of tired,/ he said, looking him over.  
  
"I'm alright no da," he said, opening the driver's door. "Nuriko, are you in the back?"  
  
/Haaaaaiii!!/ the purple haired man chirped, waving a hand.  
  
"Tamahome too?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"Looks like I got shotgun," Tasuki said, sliding into the front seat. Chichiri sighed and rested his head against the roof of his car. "Great," he said, his voice heavy. The firey haired foreinger caught those words just before Chichiri got into the car. He felt himself grow quiet, and for the first time he decided to be polite and not disturb him.  
  
After about and hour on the road, Nuriko managed to fall asleep, the noisy car gradually growing more silent. Tamahome seemed to doze off shortly after, leaving Tasuki and Chichiri alone to talk, unfortunately the car still remained just as quiet. Finally the blue haired man spoke up in Japanese, /Tasuki-san, perhaps you'd like to explain your plan to me again?/  
  
Tasuki looked up from his cellphone. /Plan?/ he repeated, not realizing how foolish he sounded.  
  
/Yes, plan, how we're going to pass off as married./  
  
/Oh... that... well it's easy. Tomorrow I'll move in with you, unless you want to move into my apartment--/  
  
/No, I think my house is fine./  
  
/Alright. So it's like this, I'll move in with you and apply for a green card and everything... unfortunately the goverment's probably going to be checking up on me.. mostly because marriages like this are fake--/  
  
/This is fake!/  
  
/I know... but... they don't have to know that! Just play along, and after many 6 months or a year, we'll get divorced! I'll find someone else and then it'll be alright!/ Tasuki threw his arms up in mock rejoicing, but he quickly brought them back down after feeling Chichiri's eyes slide towards him. /Anyway,/ he continued, /that's my plan./  
  
/Just a year? At the most?/  
  
/Hopefully./  
  
Chichiri sighed and stopped at the light, already an hour into Boston. He took a few turns in silence before saying quietly, "This is what I get for being too nice no da."  
  
Tasuki grinned. "Yes, I'll admit, ya sure are pretty nice."  
  
***  
  
author's notes: WRITER'S BLOCK TO THE SUPREME! What am I supposed to do about this horrible chapter? Anyway... I think blackmail works. Please review or Chapter 4 will not appear on FF.net ever!  
  
BWAHAHAHAAHAH!!! Review! Review! And leave a name if you want to work with Chichiri, Nuriko or Tamahome! ^_^ AS LONG as the name isn't stupid like, "Tamahome's Master's Younger Cousin" or something like that, you know the drill. 


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